All I ask is that you click this link and listen to this song.
This is my song. It’s called “Not There.” It’s about the emptiness that can drive you to the edge of existence and make you feel so hollow.
As a kid/teenager, I battled depression. I hated myself when I was little. I hated myself when I got older. Sometimes I still hate myself. But it’s a day to day battle. It’s something I live with.
More recently, I’ve been exercising to try and better my body. I have been in a relationship with my best friend for two years now and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I don’t want that to be any shorter than it has to be. I haven’t pushed myself until now and I’m not seeing the results I’d like to see.
I fear I am developing an eating disorder. I fear that I will not be able to control myself. I have had to force myself to eat some days. My boyfriend had to throw away our scale because I was obsessively weighing myself. Before and after I eat, use the restroom, exercise. Any opportunity, really.
This song is a self-analysis. It’s watching myself from afar. It’s about being there, but not in your body. This is about my life.
Please listen to it. If you like it, it’s free to download.